There is Life after Rejection

In life as we pursue the deep sense of belonging, we can easily become engulfed by the overpowering desire to be found in the company of others as we shun our own company. Social connections are beautiful, warm and often comforting. When we are in the pleasurable company of our family, friends, acquaintances and colleagues, we become engaged in other matters and dialogues that often take us away from the present realities in our own lives. Social connections are necessary for our vitality. Nevertheless, our personal development is threatened when our over-indulgence in social company takes over the precious moments that we ought to invest in times of reflection, reviewing and planning ahead. Apart from the need for social connections is the desire to belong to a team, an organisation or an institution as a vibrant member. Sometimes we are denied this opportunity when our applications to join, subscribe or find employment are rejected, suspended or discontinued for one reason or another.

The pain of Rejection

Rejection wounds hurt deeply because rejection attacks the very person that we are. It destroys our self-esteem, our self-value, self-worth and our purpose in life. Rejection has a way of destroying a person’s life in a way that few other things can. The sad fact is that the number of people who are affected by rejection is staggering. If we want to be all that God has created us to be, then overcoming rejection and its effects is vital and absolutely essential. Whether you have experienced rejection from the womb, from childhood, in a dating relationship or marriage, the wound of rejection creates a doorway for unwholesome activities in your life which need to be addressed and closed for you to find wholeness. The wounds of rejection can open a person up to many other destructive forces. Rejection can result in performance orientation, rebellion, violence, self-harm, sexual promiscuity, sexual perversion and other extreme behaviours. Lack of love as a child, for example, can cause an individual to turn to pornography, lust and other destructive behaviours in order to fulfil their need to be loved. 

The dynamics of Rejection

The closer a person is to you, the deeper their rejection can wound you. Authority figures are also able to deeply wound you, because you look up to them and rely upon them. Whether you love or hate a person doesn’t make anybody immune from rejection. You can literally want to kill somebody, but still be affected by their rejection. The question is, are you looking to them for approval? Are you basing your identity upon what they think of you? Does their approval of you give your life meaning and purpose?

A person’s age also has a lot to do with their vulnerability to rejection. Children are especially vulnerable to the damage of rejection, because they are still developing their identity and learning about who they are. A lot of damage is done by peers in school. Insecure children can be very cruel and damage other children through rejection. Why? Because their own identity is not based on the right things. They do not know who they really are, or who they are called to be, so they go around putting other kids down to make themselves feel better.

Dealing with Rejection

You cannot settle rejection issues fully until you get it down into your spirit that you are accepted, loved, and appreciated by your Creator. Tearing down the strongholds of rejection is as simple as merely receiving, with childlike faith, what His Word has to say about your identity, who you are as an individual who is called to life, purpose, and meaning. The one thing that you absolutely cannot overlook is correcting your identity. Forgiving those who have rejected you is a starting point, even when they have not approached you to ask for forgiveness and even when they fail to acknowledge the pain they have caused you.

If life has dealt you a curve ball, do not wait for too long in order to find yourself again. Invest in some contemplative moments and do some soul searching as you review your year and plan ahead for the coming season. Are you able to identify the things that drain you and leave you with a feeling of emptiness inside? Do you feel that you have dealt with the root of rejection effectively? How much alone time do you give yourself in a day or a week? What voices are you listening to and which frequencies are you tuned into? How wholesome is your self-talk?

Seeking out for professional help is never a sign of weakness if you feel too overwhelmed to deal with the pain of rejection by yourself. Find a professional counsellor, coach mentor or confidante to speak to. Sometimes rejection is merely redirection for you to see or seek out better alternatives. In other instances, you may need to reflect on what personal weaknesses you may need to address before you knock on the same door again. Rejection provides an opportunity for self-introspection to help us become better versions of ourselves. Some of these weak areas lie in our blind spots so we will need another eye, a trusted and objective third party to help us assess ourselves. A greater life is in store for you beyond the pain of rejection.

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